what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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