Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Randomize
