So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
