No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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