things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
