Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize