I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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