There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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