My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
