I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
