you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
