I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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