Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
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