I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize
