my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
