You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I fill condoms, not promises.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
