How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
