Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
