No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Randomize
