Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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