I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
