I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
