Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize