Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
