Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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