it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
