So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
