The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
