He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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