When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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