the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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