I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
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