I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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