I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I'm too high and old for this...
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
