I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
