I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize