Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
