we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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