how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
