We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
