In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
