i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
