He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Randomize
