'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
