Don't you send me to vm
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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