chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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