the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
