you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
