Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Everclear isn't food dammit
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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