explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
