remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
