Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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