it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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