I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
