Im at strip club and am horny
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize