And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
