dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
