i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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