I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
wow bdsm is so cute
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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