this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
