Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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